I’m posting a new video HOT off the press.. I wrote this song over the weeks leading up to my 40th birthday (which was last month)..
I was sitting at my computer a couple of weeks ago contemplating my last few days in my thirties. It should be a big deal right? After all, I was about to turn 40. I’d just spent a couple of hours with a good friend of mine, who asked “What does turning 40 mean to you?”
I guess I should start acting like an adult. But it’s so much fun being Peter Pan! Ask my kids, they can vouch for me.
So there I was, resplendant in leggings, my fave Bruce Lee T-Shirt (I have several) and shower cap, dyeing my hair whilst blogging. I should say bleaching my hair from Black (and a few grays) to.. well wasn’t sure.. It had only been 20 minutes. My head was really hot, which I assumed was good – I think I read on eHow that this meant the bleach was working. Or I’m going bald.
My thirties were a flurry of pregnancies and child rearing, with a splash of songwriting and lawn mowing thrown in for good measure. I had three businesses – Book-keeping/Office Admin, an Ebay Craft Shop with a friend, and a Cleaning Business. Business number 4 – Music – should have been Number 1, but hey, better late than never! I lost my Dad to Dementia which is still recent and heartbreaking. I learned how to play piano, had singing lessons and joined a gym (three years dutifully training!). I learned how to love my husband again, after drifting away quietly and insidiously through the trials life brings. I fought battles with giants in my head. I forgave those who have trespassed against me. I learned how to ask for help.
Is life perfect? No way. Is it hard? Yes. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. But what I’ve come to understand, is that this – is not all about me. And not with a sense of condemnation and guilt, but with love and hope. I am filled with hope because I am loved.. there is definately a way out where the good guys win. It started by kicking the Giants out of my head who dictated the rule of thumb to me. Theirs was the thumb (guilt, shame, depression and fear) and I was under it. Have I been here before? Yes. But I’m not about to give up and hide away again.
Being 40 for me, means it’s time to move out of the wilderness and into the promised land. There is nothing left to lose.
After all, being the daughter of a King has it’s benefits.. and that’s another story.